i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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