I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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