OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
