dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
