I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
