Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
