just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
