Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
