Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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