im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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