tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
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