Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
3pm strippers are depressing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
