Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
not ubering you a puppy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
