The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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