Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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