Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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