We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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