eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
