i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
