eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
