Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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