I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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