bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize