I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
