My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
