but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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