I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
