I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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