I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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