The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
