Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
