FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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