his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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