I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
