Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I smell like Dick and happiness
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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