Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
