After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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