Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
