I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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