I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
