can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
