am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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