Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
