I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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