Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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