I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
