Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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