PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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