I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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