These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
