it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
