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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, you need to talk to your mom

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf?

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot

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• (818): View more from California

  I'm like cupid

  (1-818): View more from California

  You're a whore with a bow and arrow

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon

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• (714): View more from California

  I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...

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• (607): View more from New York

  Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.

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