Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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