She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
