when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
