I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
