talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
