Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
