Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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