road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
