I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
