it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
