Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize