Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm like, not good at living.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
