GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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