I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
