i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
