PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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