i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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