ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Randomize
