We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
