I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
