So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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